A good friend of mine has inspired me to try this old blogging schtuff once again. Let's see how far I get this time.
I spent a few minutes reading through some of my older posts and two things came to my attention. One, I am actually not a bad writer. Two, depression is a frightening illness.
It was tempting to delete some of the more harrowing and depressing posts on this blog before making any effort to revive it. Reading some of those old posts was chilling, but instructive. So much in my life has changed since then. Mostly for the better, and a few things for the worse. But rather than see that as some type of cosmic declaration about the value of my life I've come to recognize it for what it is: just the way shit happens. The most significant achievement I have made in my life is that I have learned to give myself a break. I have learned to be grateful for the person that I am. I have learned that there are quite a few people in my orbit who think I am worth knowing, and these are people I love and respect. I have learned to keep myself surrounded by people who will continue to appreciate my value, and thereby allow me to give them the same due reward. It's a reciprocal honor and it's friendship at its best. What would I be saying about these friends if I were to continue to be so dismissive of their willingness to invest their time and emotion in me? It would be a mark of poor friendship, and even poorer humanity. I don't want that. Not any more.
You only get so much time in this world to do so many things. And many people won't have the type of life they envisioned or dreamed of having, but they still manage to remain content or happy. Simple pleasures are indeed their own reward. I would like to do what I can to ensure that whatever remains of my life is invested procuring of life's simple, yet satiating, moments. And from here on out, I can do so without thinking the worst of others, but most especially without thinking the worst of myself.