Friday, May 1, 2009

Stream?

It's Friday.

I have nothing to do and no one to do it with. Why should this matter? I'm a 32 year old woman (almost!) who can't just be content with her own company. After an internal recitation of this reality I thereafter proceed to consider issues such as the following:

*I have no partner.
*I have no spouse.
*I have no car.
*I have no home.
*I have no friends.
*I have no financial security.
*I have no job worth mentioning.
*I have no solvency.
*I have no prospects.
* I have no idea what I'm doing.

Of course, this list is not all-inclusive. It's just a bunch of spittle. I am thoroughly disgusted with myself and where I am. I want to be someone or anyone else. But that's impossible. Instead I remain me. I just wish (Tiffany doesn't pray sports fans) I had more to show for myself. It's not a good thing when sometimes the only thing you look forward to in the evening is the ability to import that new CD you just checked out from the library. Yeah, the library you go to AT LEAST three times a week, because it's "something to do."

You're always looking for something to do, aren't you Tiffany? Without question this would probably be because of the fact that you've not ever really done SOMETHING with yourself. So, just keep busy. Stay distracted. Pretend you're not unhappy. Pretend you're not a smudge. Try to keep faking it.

I just want something/someone/somewhere to look forward to.

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